Toms footy jokes!

Most of them made by tom himself!

Whats the difference between Torres' career and Torres' hair?
A. His hair has highlights!

Whats the difference between a refferee and a united fan?
A. Not much , they both want Man united to win every game!


It’ll be nice for Emile when he weds Chantelle Tagoe. It’ll make a change to hear “Mrs Heskey” instead of “Heskey misses”.

Emile plans to open a pub when he retires – because he’s great at putting shots over the bar.



Robert Green faced over 100 shots in training today without conceding a goal. Tomorrow, he and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.


Carroll 'I've just had a good idea for strengthening the team.'

Dalglish : `Good! When are you leaving?'

Man United have today released their new kit Black shirts black shorts black socks and a whistle.

A poor old Arsenal fan!
They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full
My team haven't even seen the cup !

Liverpool v Everton Preview

Merseyside pride and a place in the FA Cup final will be at stake when Liverpool and Everton rekindle their fierce rivalry at Wembley Stadium.

A semi-final showdown at the home of English football appears to have all the makings of a cup classic, with derby tensions adding extra spice to what is always a special occasion.
The decision to host the FA Cup semi-finals at Wembley has been questioned by many, but fixtures such as this deserve the grandest of stages.
Both sides will make the journey to the capital on Saturday buoyed by successful showings in their last Premier League outings.
Liverpool finally got back to winning ways at Blackburn on Tuesday and took the opportunity at Ewood Park to rest key men, meaning they have fresh legs to call upon.
Everton swept aside Sunderland, the side they saw off in the quarter-finals of the cup, at Goodison Park and are now unbeaten in their last five games in all competitions.
League form tends to go out of the window in knockout football, though, and the fact that local bragging rights have been added to the mix means anything is possible this weekend.


The Toffees have emerged victorious in the last two cup dates between the two, with replay successes earned in 2009 and 1991.
Liverpool have prevailed when it matters most, though, with all-Merseyside finals in 1986 and 1989 going the way of the Reds.
Kenny Dalglish's side have also tasted Wembley glory once already this season, with the Carling Cup tucked away in their trophy cabinet.

Keeper Issues 

Goalkeeper Brad Jones is set to make his first start since December 2010 as Liverpool prepare to turn to their third-choice shot-stopper.
The Australian comes into the side in place of suspended duo Jose Reina and Alexander Doni.
Defenders Daniel Agger and Glen Johnson are pushing for starting places having both made their comebacks from injury in the midweek win at Blackburn.
Steven Gerrard, Jose Enrique and Luis Suarez were left on the bench at Ewood Park, but they are expected to come back into Dalglish's starting XI on Saturday.

Strongest side 

Everton manager David Moyes is set to revert to his strongest line-up after resting a number of players on Easter Monday.
Defender Leighton Baines, midfielder Tim Cahill and striker Nikica Jelavic are all set to return having been left out of the squad for the 4-0 win over Sunderland.
On-loan Tottenham midfielder Steven Pienaar is cup-tied but Darron Gibson will return to the team having been an unused substitute earlier in the week.

Easter Review

No better place to start than the title race! On sunday it looked over Arsenal beat Man City 1-0 and United secured a eight point gap over city with a 2-0 win over Qpr. But then on wednesday the title race was swung back open! A Shaun Maloney goal enshured Wigan beat Man united 1-0 for the first time in their history, and with Manchester City winning 4-0 against West Brom Man uniteds lead was cut back to five points going into the weekends fixtures.

Down at the bottom over easter not many teams have picked up points on saturday the only team at the bottom to pick up a single point where Aston Villa who drew 1-1 at Anfield Wigan lost 2-1 at Chelsea Bolton lost 3-0 at home to Fulham Blackburn lost 3-0 at West Brom bottom side wolves lost 2-1 at Stoke and Qpr lost away at united.

Into midweek at the bottom and Wigan gave their Survival chances a real Boost with a unexpected victory over Man United the only other side to win where Qpr who beat Swansea 3-0 Bolton lost 2-0 to on form Newcastle a late Andy Carroll strike saw Blackburn slump to their third succesive defeat and Wolves lost 3-0 at home to Champions League hopefulls Arsenal

Predictions Week 6!

Last Week: Sadly, last time round we didn't get to predict the results but this time we will...
So, the week before: Quite low scoring. Vishal defeated Tom by 17 to 12.

Week 6: Lots of big games all over the UK. Staying local as the season gets to a close and therefore more interesting.

Vishal:
Southampton 2-2 Reading (0)
Barnet 3-2 Hereford (Huge relegation decider in League 2) (0)
Norwich 0-3 Man City (3)
Sunderland 3-1 Wolves (0)
Swansea 2-1 Blackburn (3)
West Brom 2-1 QPR (3)
Liverpool 3-2 Everton (Can't trust Brad Jones) (3)
Doncaster 3-2 Portsmouth (Last v next to last in the C'ship) (0)
Rochdale 3-2 Exeter (Another big relegation toughie, but in League 1) (5)
Aberdeen 2-1 Hibernain (Scottish Cup Semi) (0)
Man Utd 3-3 Aston Villa (Heskey hattrick!) (0)
Tottenham 1-1 Chelsea (Friedel the hero in the penalty shootout!) (0)
Celtic 2-1 Hearts (The other Scottish semi) (0)
Neath 1-3 Bangor (Big game in Wales) (5)
Arsenal 1-2 Wigan (5)

Tom:
Southampton 1-3 Reading (5)
Barnet 1-1 Hereford (5)
Norwich 1-3 Man City (3)
Sunderland 5-0 Wolves (0)
Swansea 4-1 Blackburn (3)
West Brom 1-0 QPR (5)
Liverpool 2-3 Everton (0)
Doncaster 1-2 Portsmouth (3)
Rochdale 1-1 Exeter (0)
Aberdeen 0-2 Hibernain (3)
Man Utd 2-0 Aston Villa (3)
Tottenham 3-1 Chelsea (3)
Celtic 2-0 Hearts (0)
Neath 0-0 Bangor (0)
Arsenal 1-1 Wigan (0)

Match Report Wigan 1-0 Manchester United

One of the shocks of the season came as Wigan provided a huge boost to their survival hopes and maybe opened up the title race to both Manchester teams

The game started in a end to end fashion but Wigan where winning all the 50-50's and where starting to take control of the game with James Macarthy and James Macarthur running the midfield for the Latics.

On the half our mark Victor Moses had a clear goal dissalowed after a great Shaun Maloney corner.

Straight after the break Wigans pressure paid off Jean Beausejour and Shaun Maloney playing a lovely one two on the edge of the box and then smashing the ball into David De Geas net to send the Dw into raptures.

The closest united came in the spell after was a Wayne Rooney shot whitch just went over shortly after rooney was replaced. Wigan chould of doubeld their lead when Conor Sammon went down the wing and pulled it back for Momo Diame who hit his shot straight at De Gea

United players where addament that Figueroa had handeld the ball in the box but according to the Reff Phil Dowd and linesman there was nothing doing and 1-0 it stayed.

Man of the match.
Wigans Shaun Maloney

Monday Madness!

Ipswich's Tractor Boys horse around for new kit launch on Suffolk farm!

They may be known as the Tractor Boys but Ipswich Town's players seemed to take the nickname a bit too literally at the launch of their new kit at a muddy farm in Suffolk. 

Brazillian midfielder attacks ref after being sent off!

Footballers are often close to going over the edge in a game that's full of passion but are normally stopped from doing so by team-mates or their own common sense. This mechanism for preventing things from getting out of control failed last week when Iranduba's Derlan lost all sense of rationality and attacked a referee during a league match in Brazil.

Neil Warnock takes Leeds squad on bonding trip to Flamingo Land!

Manager Neil Warnock thought of a novel way to lift the spirits of his Leeds United squad following a recent dip in form, by taking them on a trip to Flamingo Land. 

APOEL's Paulo Jorge gets two teeth knocked then pulls another out himself!

Brave APOEL Nicosia's run in the Champions League was ended by a rampant Real Madrid, but the men on the pitch gave everything for the cause. Centre back Paulo Jorge gave more than most in the clash at the Santiago Bernebeu as he left the pitch with three less teeth than he started the game with.

Motherwell FC bus gets stuck under bridge after match!

The Motherwell Football Club's team bus found itself wedged underneath a bridge as it took players home from today's Clydesdale Bank Premier League match.  Motherwell were driving back west from an away match against Hibernian when their coach driver steered the bus under a low bridge on New Street, Edinburgh. A spokesman from the club claimed that the incident, which occurred at 3:50pm on Sunday afternoon, was down to one of the staff claiming to have found 'a short cut' off the main route. Despite all the commotion he added the situation was only 'wee mishap.'

Match Report Chelsea 2-1 Wigan

Two contriversial goals saw chelsea take a huge step towards champions league football for next season.

The game started in a open fashion with both teams keeping the ball well and both creating good chances.A Gary Cahill shot from the edge of the box nearly found its way into the net but Wigan keeper Ali Al Habsi pulled lff one of his many ecxellent saves to enshure wigan went in level at the break deservedly.

The second half started in a similar fashion both teams playing decently well Wigan where having most of the ball. But then against the run of play Chelsea struck the ball was played in by Juan Mata and found defender Branislav Ivanovic who finished later replays showed he was clearly offside with Wigan players surronding the reff.

But soon after wigan drew back level with Diame scoring a superb left foot strike but chelsea came back to win late on with Mata scoring but again it seemed offside

Monday Madness!

This way!

Fans of German fourth-tier football team Magdeburg decided some drastic action was needed if their bottom-placed club are to avoid relegation.Magdeburg fans This way: Magdeburg fans point the way to goal.The mis-firing side had not scored in their previous five games.So, for Sunday’s clash with Berliner AK ’07, supporters were handed huge arrows to show the players exactly where the goal was.

Cheeky!

Jose Mourinho may pick the team at Real Madrid but Iker Casillas has shown he's the one who picks his nose after a video appeared showing him wiping a bogey over the face of a young mascot.

A cheeky ballboy, who stepped onto the pitch during a Brazilian league match and denied the opposition a goal, would be advised to lay low for the time being after his outrageous stunt sparked an on-field storm.
We're sure ballboys across the world have often dreamt of bursting onto the scene and helping their team in their hour of need, but we doubt many have actually dared to do it.
However, one youngster wasn't so shy and decided to make a last-ditch clearance when his side faced conceding a certain goal.

The clash between Bradford City and Crawley Town was marred by a post-match brawl, which led to five players being shown a red card in the dressing rooms.

Season awards.

Its come to this stage of the season where we decide who deserves the awards for great/ bad things this season.

1. Players of the season
Im going to choose a player from eaach team and put them into order 1--20

Arsenal.
Player Robin Van persie
Rvp has been on fire all season.

Aston Villa
Darren Bent
Provided key goals at key times!

Blackburn
Yakubu
Scored most of Blackburns goals and has kept the fight alive!

Bolton
Mark davies
Provided some creativity in Boltons midfield

Chelsea
Juan Mata
Linked up well with chelsea's experianced player and has played well at difficult times

Everton
Royston Drenthe
The loanne has been something dfferent for everton he scares defences

Fulham
Clint Dempsey
Fulham have been brilliant all season especially Dempsey his driving from midfield is top notch!

Liverpool
Martin Skyrtel
He has been a rock at the back for liverpool all season.

Manchester city
Vincent Kompany
The skipper has carried city through tough times and has been a great defender

Norwich.
Grant Holt
Scored at some of the big grounds and really has played well and worked hard every game

Qpr
Joey Barton
Works hard in midfield every miniute of every game deserves to be captin

Stoke
Ryan shotton
Really come into his own this season now he is a reguler in the first team

Sunderland.
James Mclean
Since martin o neill arrived he has been a reguler and goals have flew in!

Swansea
Scott Sinclair
Scored and set up lots and lots of goals for the flying swans!

Spurs
Bennit Assou Ekkoto
Not got the praise he deserves for a fantastic season he is a great defender and can attack two!

West Brom
Peter Odemwinge
Provided the main source of goals in west broms good season!

Wigan.
Ali al Habsi
Some of his saves have been world class his penalty save against liverpool is one of many great and important saves!

Wolves
Wayne Hennesy
Most of the goals conceded arent his folt some of his saves have been worthy of a higher finish

Overall team of the season.

Al Habsi

Shotton Kompany Skrtel Assou Ekkoto
Sinclair Davies Dempsey Mata
Van Persie Yakubu

Subs
Hennesy
Barton
Mclean
Drenthe
Bent
Holt
Odemwinge

Player of the season award.... Goes to Robin Van Persie!


Miss of the season
A not so good award but this time only two contenders!

Miss 1
Fernando Torres
Man United 3-1 Chelsea
Torres has a great chance he takes it round De Gea with a open net gaping he strikes it wide right infront of the stretford end! Ouch!

Miss 2
Jean Beausejour
Wigan 2-0 Stoke
Victor moses crosses the ball Beausejour has a open net gaping but somehow manages to place it over the bar!

The winner of the miss of the season is....... Fernando Torres

Goal of the season

Goal number 1
Peter crouch
Stoke 1-1 Man City
Crouch picks the ball up on the edge of the box and volleys it into joe harts net what a strike!

Goal number 2
Robin Van Persie
Arsenal 1-0 Everton

Alex song plays a lovely ball through to van persie who volleys it into the corner. Pick that out!

The winner of the goal of the season is............. Peter Crouch!

Manager of the season goes to Alan Pardew! The runner up is Roberto Martinez!

World knowlege test two!

If you know the answers feel free to comment your answers and join the fun!

1. Who wears the number 18 shirt for Wigan?

2. Who is the manager of Pourtsmouth?

3. True or false?
Liverpool won at Old trafford this season

4. What is the name of Qpr's ground

5. Who does Kevin Nolan play for

6. Whitch country is Ali Al Habsi from?

7. What was the score when Bolton met Man united at the Reebok this season?

8. Who wears the number 17 for Barcelona?

9. Who reffed the 2010 World Cup Final?

10. Where is Newcastle keeper Tim Krul from?